Reflecting on my solo travel, no plans way of life
This post I wrote one day in Sydney. I found myself back to the life of real solo travel for the first time in many months. I hadn’t worked, nor spent more than 5 nights in one place, in over 2 months. This isn’t that long in the scale of things, but at this point, life felt messy. I was truly alone with no idea what was next (definitely not for the first time!). On reflection, however, life felt full of possibility. It became evident the travel life was still what I desired.
25th October 2018
Feel like I don’t know what the next weeks/months hold even more so than usual. Just travel then go somewhere else, but where? Find a job for a few months (but settling gives me the fear), and then when do I finish travelling NZ? Travel then try find a job for a bit? Hoping it all works out just like it usually does but some day that luck is gonna end I’m sure. Forever lucky that these are my current life stresses though.
No plans = no real expectations = whatever happens is what’s meant to happen.
I have the fear of settling again, even if only for a few months. Can’t face committing to a job and staying in one place. Can’t even commit to booking a flight more than the day before any more. Travel life is not improving my commitment skills, to anything, one bit. The life of leaving places and people is somewhat addictive. The excitement, and sometimes stress, of not knowing what’s next, but knowing there is a change and something new, is the best life. It makes everywhere that little bit more special, because you know the time spent there is a fleeting moment, so you have to appreciate it while you can.
Sometimes it’s stressful, the travel life. Sometimes I wish I had my home gals or just some constant friends in my presence, but ultimately that’s the beauty of solo travel. You are alone, you can do anything and go anywhere, you learn to keep going because the excitement of what comes next keeps pushing you.
Some days I feel like going home. Like what am I really doing, I’m not really achieving anything? Then I stop and think. I’ve never been more happy than when I started travelling. There really is beauty in freedom, in travel, especially solo travel. Some people like to be tied to things, I am the opposite – that terrifies me. I think about all the places I’ve been and experiences I’ve had, and how I have in fact done more in the past year and a half than I have in what feels like forever.
I have this guilt when I waste a travel day, seldom do I spend an entire day sitting in a hostel or watching Netflix when travelling. Yet before I left home, that was the norm. Routine is killer – I would rarely do anything that wasn’t work or exercise. I wouldn’t go out and explore like I feel the need to almost every day when travelling. Never have I slept so well than during my travels – being exhausted at the end of each day thanks to keeping so busy. That is the good life – making the most of your life.
So sure, I miss home. But I know I will go back and nothing will have changed. And soon I will settle back into a mundane routine, wasting my days and dreaming about that one time I left for Australia and didn’t come home for almost two years. It will feel like it never even happened. I’m not ready for that yet, I’m not sure I ever will be. I will of course go back one day, but hope I can see a change in me and the need for adventure and exploring sticks with me.
